Step Parenting

[littleblackdress]

Dss's birthday is tomorrow, and bm is throwing him a birthday party at her house (this is the second one that she has ever done, so there is a bit of inexperience here, to be fair).   The party is in 2 weeks. Anyway, dss is at a new school, in gr. 4.  She sent him over with the invitations that he made over the weekend. 

Looking at them, they are very poor quality.  They are written in pencil, barely legible - most of the writing is squished into the margins and colliding into each other, and it is a substantial amount of effort to make out the address.  Having homeschooled dss, I am fully aware that getting him to write them out would have been like pulling teeth.  Also, generally, his penmanship is poor - something his current teacher commented on at the parent teacher interview (that she was also at).  So, I genuinely feel that he should not have made them - or they should have been typed out and he should have drawn the picture (he did put effort into the pictures - he is a talented artist).  She does have a computer and a printer - so this was a possibility.

I feel like an evil stepmom when I confess this, but I feel somewhat embarassed for him to be handing these out to his classmates, as they are very poorly done for what they are - and on a very practical level I worry that no one will show up, since they can't read the address.  Knowing her address I had a hard time reading it.

So, what do I do?  Should I get him to redo them?  Should I help him redo them?  Should I leave it?

We are the primary parents (and we do consider me and equal parent, so, please no comments about how this is none of my business, I have been with him since he was a baby) She will not have him again at her house until the day of the party - so handing the invites to her and getting her to deal with it isn't an option.  And, when she came over she raved about how awesome the invites were - kind of her proud mama moment... except that they aren't good.  I am having flashbacks to Napolean Dynamite.

Frankly, if I were the one who had been getting him to do the cards, I would have had him do one, realized that the writing was going to be an issue, and I would have typed out the cards on the computer... we have actually done this in the past, putting the kids' artwork on the cover of a typed card.  Him in particular, I wouldn't have given the mammoth task of writing out all the cards by hand, since he is more "one time creative," and not really into written repetition (and, to be honest, I am not sure that I, myself, would want the mammoth task of handwriting several invites...)

So, there is that.

But there is also the vent, that part of me feels like this is a mean thing on her part.  Getting a kid who really isn't into writing things out at the best of times to handwrite his birthday invites.  Especially when the end product is really not good.  Does that make me a bad parent?  Thinking that this 9 year old's work is too poor to give to his classmates?  I feel like I could take the award right now.

And then there is the ugly suspicion that she knew darned well that they weren't appropriate, but left it for us to deal with... so she could be hero mama who is proud of him, and we are the awful parents who have to break the bad news.

Anyway.  What I have done.  I phoned dh (I am not home right now), and asked him to look through the bag at the invitations - and to see what his thoughts were.  He also agrees that they are not decent quality to hand out...  They are not legible.

Oh my.

LBD.

PS - dss thinks that they are great.  Makes me feel worse.

[CinnamonTwist]

Somehow make the address and date legible. Or put it on a index card and put in the envelope.  I sure hope some of these kids show up at the party. Its no fun when no one shows up.

[just us girls]

Is there room on the invitation for you or his dad to write the date, address and phone/email (whatever she's doing for RSVP) in pen?  That's all I would do.  It's not that it's none of your business, but it isn't fair to either of them if they think they're ok, and you tell him they're not (or make him feel they aren't).

He's only 9 and they're only invitations.  Just make sure the important info is legible and leave it at that.

[max3 · Accepted solution]

a suggestion.... a slip of paper glued in with mapquest link to the address?  Or a small, individual copy of a mapquest to the address? That way you can appear to be assisting the guests without outing your feelings about the invitations. 

[oneofmany]

Agree with the others (I really like max's suggestion of maps!).  My kids like to write out their invitations - it makes them feel good that they are able to have control over something this important.  I never worry too much about the presentation.  As long as the other parents know it is 1) a party 2) for who and 3) our phone number, I don't concern myself.  Parents understand and will call for directions LOL!

We have gotten some dandy invitations, hand made by other kids.  My favourite was the one written on a piece of notebook paper with half a phone number and no address and dss couldn't remember the name of the boy who gave it to him LOL!  And yes, it was an actual invitation, not just a 'spur of the moment' thing :-).  Dss was nearly 9 at the time.  At then there was the one for "#4, City Name".  Just glad dd knew the girl's name so I knew who I was calling for directions LOL!

[Gen2 · Accepted solution]

and just like the others suggested, on the top of that map, you can also add the important info (date, time, address and phone number).

[littleblackdress]

Thanks all!

We are going to type out the relevant information and provide a map (thanks Max3).

Part of my issue here is that while he really liked doing the drawings, there is no way he wanted to write out all that information - and it really shows.

Best of both worlds - no worry about missed information, and his drawings (which he is proud of) and his writing (which he worked for a long time on) do not go to waste.

I just wish that he hadn't had to write all that out - considering that the writing is really the issue.

LBD.

[oneofmany]

Yeah....but his mother doesn't know him well enough to realize her pushing him to write it out was not a good thing for him. Try to spin the positive.....it gave him some practice!

[Mar]

If he thinks they look great, and he seems happy with themthough, maybe it wasn't sucha hardship for him doing them?
Is it possible he enjoyed it?

[littleblackdress]

Well, when we talked about it - he liked the drawing, hated the writing.  I told him to buck up, it was good practice for him (thanks oneofmany!).

Anyway, there is an update.

He has chickenpox. I guess he made the lucky 10% for whom the vaccine didn't take.  He woke up this morning with a rash.  Now she doesn't want to see him until he is free and clear - she is afraid of ruining her dating possibilities - worried about shingles etc.

so, we are skyping her next few visits.

LBD.