Hi TP peeps... hope you are all well. I just wanted to update you a little since my last venting session...
My last message, in which I spent the whole time bashing my soon-to-be step-son was unfair and a little harsh I think. However, (and it's no excuse), it was written soon after that disastrous weekend and I was still full up of emotion and frustration. Especially since all I get from his father is "they're just boys being boys". That's not something I can accept. Because it means that I have to just accept that I will be miserable and unhappy whenever we are all together as a family. A friend suggested this website www.mentoringboys.com and it's a godsend. No joke. If you struggle with boys and their aggressive behaviour you have to check out this site. I learned that I have to react less and respond more. I learned that I need to focus on their strengths and teach them about their emotions and that it's ok to feel emotional about things. I learned that I need to empower them. I learned that it's ok as a mother to take 5 mins to calm down and then come back and discuss an issue, rather than losing my temper in the moment and possibly dishing out a punishment that might be a little bit harsh. I also learned that I have to stop doing everything for my son ie: helping him get dressed, helping him brush his teeth etc. I have to allow him to do things on his own although, I have to say... that's hard for me to follow thru on. So... we just had our first sleep-over w dss since that disastrous w/e... I put my strategies in play... and we all had a wonderful time!!! It was lovely. I enjoyed both the boys, it was relaxing, they enjoyed each other... minimal fighting and bugging. When my temper almost got the better of me b/c they were beginning to get to each other I decided to ask them. Instead of arguing and fighting over the multitude of hot wheels in the backseat, we all had a good discussion about what does it mean to be patient? and what does it mean to be respectful? I'm feeling so much more optimistic and relieved about the future now. It's like a breath of fresh air. Seriously, even if you don't have issues with your boys, the website is a wealth of information about how, mentally, boys and girls are different and how to plug into the mind of your little one. Check it out! It was a life-saver for me!
I also want to add that I saw a side to my dss that I never saw before and I was actually sorry that he had to leave this morning. He was every part the little boy that I wanted him to be and when I hugged him good-bye I meant it!
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