11-01-2011 01:29 PM
Well it is a tumor. But it's not cancerous, and apparently can be treated with medication.
I did talk to her, and told her that she already told dh. She says she forgot that she told him. I said I was thankful that he knew because I hated having to keep a secret from him, and asked that she never put me in that position again.
Thanks for all your replies.
11-01-2011 05:14 PM
Do you think it could be causing memory loss? Or general odd behaviour?
I wish her well.
11-02-2011 07:26 AM
and that's what she's telling everyone now: her recent behaviour is all blamed on her brain tumor. She believes that she's had it all along and that it is the cause of all her issues: weight gain over the past 15 years, anger, etc. I am not a doctor, but I know she has been for hundreds of tests and scans. Wouldn't they have noticed it before?
I am trying to push down all the negative feelings I have for her and focus on supporting my dh as he is dealing with this new condition though. But it's hard to just forget 10 years of garbage and drama and say 'oh, it wasn't your fault' kwim?
Thank you Alli.
11-02-2011 08:46 AM
It sounds like this will be hard for you...I don't know how long tumours can go undiagnosed, it may even be 15 years. Can you convince yourself that that's the case and be all "It'll be great to have the positive, sharp, Real You back again, MIL"? Help her make this a catalyst for change?
11-02-2011 01:36 PM
Good luck to you all and please remember that brain tumours can cause memory loss among other things. Odd behaviour can often be attributed to brain tumours and the symptoms can have been there for years. My mother had brain tumours and your personality is certainly altered. Be patient with her. Non-cancerous is very dangerous too and can make so many changes in a person it is shocking. Hope all goes well for you all.
11-05-2011 05:27 AM
Unfortunately, brain tumors are not always easy to find. Also, as many tests as she has had, it takes a specific kind of situation to notice something unusual - most doctors diagnose only what they are used to (because "the usual suspect" is most often correct - why go outside the box when 98% of the time it isn't necessary - and, to be fair the way doctors are paid for 10 minute appt times isn't exactly conducive to thinking outside the box)... it takes a lot of *this isn't working* for a deeper look - and then patients can run the risk of being ignored for being hypochondriacs - especially if they are already anxious.
11-05-2011 08:27 AM
My MIL died suddenly a couple of years ago (the autopsy showed a previously undiagnosed very large brain tumour as the cause of death). There was a lot of guilt and unresolved feelings for dh and his siblings as she'd shown some very increasingly odd behaviour over the years and since she kept saying she was 'fine' everyone put it down to her being wacky. It was probably the tumour....
I'm glad your MIL's can be treated!
I know its hard to get over the negative feelings you have towards her .. but please try. She won't always be there!!!
11-05-2011 06:03 PM - edited 11-05-2011 06:03 PM
It's taken a few days of reflection, and you're all right. I need to put all the negative stuff behind me and forgive her.
And I am doing good! She left a message today for me to call her, and I did! And I was pleasant and offered to help her with a family function coming up.
I know it's not about me, it's about my husband and children's memories with their mother/grandmother. I am going to do what I can to make sure the next ones are happy ones