06-29-2012 10:18 AM
Well, in the past 2 weeks dd14 has given me 2 hugs...her idea
I have tried to remain consistent.
I pick up a parenting book at the library when I don't know what to do.
I make no bones about the fact that she is capable of just about anything; except of her weird fear of diving and the fact she can't stand the sight of blood (like her dad).
I finally caught on when she was trying to start arguments and started calling her on it. I won't let her slide by and not try her best. Yes other parents are happy with Bs...good for them.
I tell her I've done a very good job of making sure she has been well fed and healthy and she is not going to ruin it because she doesn't want to eat lunch at school (and then runs 3km at track practice).
Now she says to me "I say the same things to bff that you say to me: practice the piano, eat your lunch, etc."
I let her push her boundaries but she really still needs them to be set.
And of course being unhappy with her actions has no bearing on the fact I love her.
We've had a rough year but my job is for her to be ready to leave for uni.
The hugs are making me think she'll come back to visit.
07-02-2012 08:52 AM
My 2 children live with their father, I'd like at least one of them to live with me , more contact. One is visiting me regularly,the younger a bit less.One of my oldest children wouldv'e been 21.
08-07-2012 03:05 PM
Hello Teensmom - I myself have 2 sons ages 16 & 11. My relationship with each son, albeit is not perfect (nor do I expect that) is very tight with each son ... even my 16 year old. Here are a few thoughts to your question.
1) I have learned that our children/teens change ... but most importantly I have learned that I need to be willing to shift, change & grow myself, this was some what (very in the beginning) humbling. By doing this I have been able to develop & maintain a deeper connection with each son.
2) Teens are capable. I believe, know & set the intent each day that each of my sons are fully capable. What do I mean? That they are capable to make appropriate decisions, to be good & serving human beings and that by their very nature of being human (humans want & need to grow) that they will gravitate towards their positive desires & goals.
3) You are capable! That everything you need to be a "successful parent" already exists inside of you. Trust your heart & instincts.
I believe that Successful Parenting is not always having an answer or the right answer, that it is not about always doing the right thing, etc. Successful Parenting is Not about You Parenting Perfectly, It is YOU being PRESENT in Mind, Heart & Soul. By Being PRESENT You Give Your Children and Yourself a Miraculous GIFT"
Successful Parenting is all about Listening, Learning & Loving.
We can not control our children or teens (that's an illusion I believe all parents struggle with ... until hopefully they do not anymore) I sure did! We only can control our internal & external responses.
Peace & Blessings -
Joe Gandolfo, MA, LPC
Teen Life & Parenting Expert
08-13-2012 08:26 AM