06-06-2012 03:57 PM - edited 06-06-2012 03:59 PM
here's the sitch...
younger dd who is almost 14 has had a rough time since the fall as some of you know, with severe anxiety. she is on some heavy duty drugs at this time.
Dd has an aquaintance, who is an odd girl, doesn't talk etc. Lately dd has been whining about this girl following her around, but not talking or if she does talk to dd, it's about cats but dd has not been happy with her, and complaining about her (like dd isn't weird herself!!Anyhow, dd was invited to a sleepover bd at her house.
Now, I will be honest in saying I hate sleepovers, I'm okay with my Mom or sister taking the girls, or a few specific friends, but it's just not something I like.
I don't want dd to go, but it's not because I don't trust the parents, I have met them, and while odd too, I trust them.
But we;ve had some major health issues with dd lately, unstoppable nosebleeds that require a trip to emerg, and now this week, we're dealing with the off/on again hives that appear everywhere, and last time we had this, it also required several trips to emerg. I'm scared something is going to happen to dd while she's there. And while she's in town, and it's not far, my gut says to keep her home. Now, dd says she wants to go to the party but I'm not wanting her to.
I told her she can go to part of it, and we'll pick her up around 9ish, she's got to take meds and they are to help her sleep and need to be taken at a certain time, with bed at a certain time, that's another concern-I know that won't happen.
Oh and because of the nosebleeds, we haven't even left dd home alone since the long weekend in May--it was truly that bad and scared us that much.
Give me your honest thoughts--you know I can take them, even if you tell me I'm a crazed Mom
am I be unreasonable ??(I know I likely am, but my gut is my gut and that is that!). Any thoughts/suggestions?
06-06-2012 04:40 PM
considering everything that you've listed, I wouldn't allow it. I would pick her up, as you've mentioned. She needs meds at a certain time and then needs to rest. That is where she is in her life, at this time, so that's what needs to happen. Adding in the nosebleeds and hives, I think there is nothing that would point me in the direction of okaying a sleepover.
06-06-2012 05:09 PM
You are not be unreasonable. I think allowing her to go for part of the party and coming home at a set time is fine. It's better than the option of missing the whole party. Your dd is old enough to understand that with her health concerns, you only have her best interest at heart. She may not appreciate it right now, but you are doing the right thing.
My ds never went to sleepovers at friends houses, only to his grandparents.
06-06-2012 05:51 PM
Are the potential hosts aware of the possible issues with your dd sleeping over? I'm wondering if they would be comfortable in having her overnight given all the concerns you have raised?
I understand your worries about her sleeping over, but I do think that picking her up at 9pm is too early. Perhaps she could take her medication with her, and take it at an appropriate time for a somewhat later than normal bedtime??? The party will just be starting to be fun at 9pm! If there is any way you could wait to get her at 10:30 or 11 I think that would be a much better compromise. Is there any way that could work at all?
06-07-2012 05:39 AM
I think your dd is old enough that you could send the meds with her and ask her to take it at a specific time but I'd adjust that time to allow for a later bedtime. I'd let her stay at the party until 11. It's hard as parents to let go but I think as hard as it is, we do need to give our children some responsibility. Our dd went to sleepover's at a much younger age than 14. She also has serious kidney issues and was on medication at the time. I think the sleepovers were much harder for me but she had a blast! She always knew that she could call anytime of night and we'd pick her up. Did the doctor say what was causing the nosebleeds? Is it from the drugs or could it be from allergies? Maybe speak to the parents and let them know of your concerns and see what their thoughts are. We tried to make dd's life as normal as possible and made sure parents knew of our concerns. Dd also had life threatening food allergies and her friend's parents were aware of them and left with our contact information and her epipen. We had a few parents who weren't comfortable with it and others were fine. I do understand your reluctance and concerns. Good luck with your decision!
06-07-2012 05:58 AM
You are not being unreasonable - *I* too would tell my child they can go to the party but will be sleeping in their own bed given the issues you described. Health and Safety come first - even if other people, including child, think we are over reacting
06-07-2012 12:11 PM
My thoughts are split.
I do agree that with everything going on and not having answrs allowing her to go to the party but not sleeping over is fine...for now.
However, let her stay later and be responsible for taking her meds at a specific time. If she can't do at least that, then you know that she is not mature enough (for the next time) to be trusted to stay over at someone else's house.
Eventually you will have to 'let her go' and in order to help prepare her make HER responsible for a few things...so that when you do feel comfortable enough to let her attend a sleep over you can rest assured that she will be fine.
06-07-2012 01:10 PM
I'm torn. As a Mom I say go with your gut and pick her up from the party (but maybe let her stay till 11, that's usually when most of the fun is over). I don't know what meds she's on but if she can delay them an hour or two without complications then I'd let her.
On the other side, as a person who had severe anxiety as a teenager, I say if she really wants to go let her (but be prepared to go and get her at a moments notice if she calls). It would let her know that you trust her judgement but will be there if her judgement is wrong and she can't handle it. Of course, that's only if her forgetting the medication for a couple hours won't cause complications. You could also call at the time she's supposed to take it to remind her. Or have her pack a bag for a sleepover and let her decide around 9 or 10 if she wants to stay the night or not so the options open but she also knows she can just as easily go home and tell the girls she's not feeling well. And make sure the parents know about her nosebleeds and the hives and know to call you at the first sign of either.
It's a tough call and neither decision is "wrong".