Friday, September 25th, 2009
Extra-curricular Activities--Yours!

Talia’s extra-curricular activities are starting up. And it’s been no picnic to arrange it all. We want her to have fun, meet kids and develop skills. But we don’t want to overload her or ourselves. And Jack or I have to be able to chauffeur her to programs and back.

After some juggling Tal’s got a mix of "regular" and special needs activities including: choir, Teen Leaders Corps at the Y, exercising at the gym with a support worker, cooking class and Friday Friends (teen social group).

This fall I decided it was my turn for some extra-curricular excitement. So I signed up for a newly launched Adult Community Choir that meets one evening a week until January. Unlike professional choirs this one welcomes everyone—no audition required.

Sixty of us sing together. Since I can’t read music I sit beside someone who can and I follow their lead. As we learn songs in 3 part-harmony, I’m learning proper breathing and voice techniques. Best of all our choir director (a high school Music Teacher) is giving beginners like me a crash course in music theory if we show up 10 minutes early each week.

It’s thrilling. I love the sound of our voices together. I love meeting 60 new people. I love feeling my brain stretch to learn something new and challenging. And I’m grateful that I can head out at night to do something fun just for me.

I know it’s not easy to get out. For many of my friends (even those who have teens) it’s impossible. Instead they have hobbies they squeeze in at home—knitting, beadwork, scrapbooking, gardening. One friend takes an occasional piano lesson and warns her teacher that she can only practice sporadically.  But no matter what our hobbies, we never want to let them go. Because we know they give us more than a break—they keep us going.

So what’s your hobby?

Posted by Amy1
on Friday, September 25th, 2009 at 8:49:54 AM
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Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009
It's All About Handwashing

Did you get one of those government flu brochures in your mailbox? On the front page it says, "This year it’s a different flu season." Yup—we’ve got garden variety Seasonal Flu AND H1N1 to think about. One of the best defenses is frequent and thorough hand-washing.

And there’s the rub. Often our kids lack the fine motor ability or the attention span to handwash properly. Over the years we’ve tried to help Talia master Handwashing 101. We’ve tried foamy kid’s soap, visual cues in the bathroom, verbal reminders, telling her to sing ABC (to make sure she washes long enough). But often--unless we were right beside her--handwashing was a quick soap squirt followed by a feeble fingertip flutter under running water.

Until recently. Now Talia washes her hands like a pro. While lathering, she interlocks and wags her fingers. She even remembers to thoroughly scrub the TOP of her hands. And I’m thrilled.

"That’s amazing handwashing," I told her the other day. "Who taught you that?" (I know I never taught the snazzy interlocking fingers trick.)

"My Food and Nutrition teacher at school," she told me. Aha—that makes sense—Talia adores this teacher.

Any tips to share? How do you make sure your kids wash their hands properly?

Posted by Amy1
on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 at 8:38:56 AM
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Monday, September 21st, 2009
M is for Monday, Meetings & Marvelous TV!

You know summer’s officially over when the evening meetings begin and when your favourite tv shows start up again.

Tonight is especially zooey for us. Jack and I both have meetings at the same time. He’s off to the school council meeting at Talia’s high school and I’m off to the Leadership Council meeting for our Autism Ontario Chapter.

In Tal’s younger years I was active on School Council. But now it’s Jack’s turn to have his monthly night out with the women (he’s typically the only dad.) And rather than plugging our own kid’s needs at the meeting, Jack's there to learn about the school, offer his skills and give back.

I on the other hand, am having an autism-intensive meeting. In our chapter leadership group we tackle everything from improving school for our kids to increasing local programs. Time consuming but exciting stuff.

And wouldn’t you know the 2 hour season’s premiere of "House" is on tv tonight. So we’re taping the show and face the classic dilemma: Do we stay up mega late and watch it after we’re back from our meetings? Or do we go for delayed gratification and watch it later in the week?

Yes-- I have way too many favourite tv shows: House, ER (sob--gone), Grey's Anatomy, Becoming Erica...... But for me, a little escapism is a beautiful thing.

How about you?

Posted by Amy1
on Monday, September 21st, 2009 at 9:49:35 AM
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Friday, September 18th, 2009
Talking to Your Child's Classmates

This week I gave "the talk" to Talia’s Food and Nutrition Class. We wanted students to know about autism and about Talia as a person. We dreamed of sparking some friendships or at least to know there would be more friendly faces in the crowded school hallways.

Up to Grade 8, Talia was included (with support) in "regular classes." But at the high school level, she’s in a self-contained class part-time and she’s auditing 2 "regular" classes.

Here’s how it went:

Talia gave me permission to talk about autism and to talk about her. She asked to not be present during the discussion and stayed behind in her home class.

I started with a 5 minute crash course on autism. Then I explained some of the things that Talia loves: Facebook, reality tv shows like What Not To Wear, skiing, hiking, animals. Bless those kids—they sat and paid attention and nodded their heads like they got it.

Then I asked them to write down on their own paper:

1. One question about Talia or about autism. "And I don’t embarrass easily," I told them. "So ask whatever you like."

2. One way they will try to be a friend to Talia at school.

Since they were instructed not to put their names on their papers, their questions were anonymous. I gathered them, read each question aloud and we discussed them.

Here what students asked:

Does autism improve over time? How do you get autism? What is the treatment?  How do you know if your child has autism? Is it true autism makes you really focus on one thing?

What does Talia like to do after school? What does she NOT like to talk about? What should I do if there is a pause in the conversation? Should I wait or repeat the question?

And when asked how they could be Talia’s friend, here’s what they wrote:  I’ll say "hey" in the halls. I'll add her to my Facebook. I’ll ask her about her favourite tv shows. I’ll talk to her more in class. I’ll ask her to join my cooking group. I’ll ask her about her day…..

I was pleased by their thoughtful questions and by our open discussion. When Talia arrived home, she was thrilled to see several new Facebook requests from high school students—a sign that something sunk in.

I’ve been doing "the classmate talk" on and off for years. And I always struggle with it—how much is violating my daughter’s privacy? Shouldn’t she just be accepted for who she is without explaining her disability? But over time I've learned that classmates are more accepting, friendly and genuine when they understand what makes Talia tick.

The next step will be teaching Talia self-advocacy, so that she can explain her own strengths and needs and interests.

Many thanks to parents who have posted comments so far.  Thank you for being open and honest.  The more we share our stories, the more we learn from each other. So.....now that we've had the pep talk, I'd love to hear about your experiences! Do you (or your child) give "the talk" to classmates? 

Posted by Amy1
on Friday, September 18th, 2009 at 8:56:31 AM
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Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
How DO They Do It?

The other night I met a friend for dinner. Here’s what she had to do before meeting me at 7pm: Finish her tasks at work. Race to pick up her kids from school. Take kids to swimming lessons. Make, serve, and clean up dinner. Help with homework. Help her kids make lunches….etc.

Did I mention that my friend has 3 kids? And all 3 kids have special needs. Honestly I have no clue how she does it all. So I asked her.

"I can do all this because I have to," she said.

There’s an interesting psychological reality among parents of kids with special needs. We look at each other’s life situations and say, "Wow—I could never cope with that."

I know parents who:

While we know what it takes to get through the day with our own kids, we look at other parents with awe. We wonder--how on earth do they do it?  How do you?

Posted by Amy1
on Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 at 10:32:25 PM
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