Monday, October 19th, 2009
The blog continues...

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See you there!

Tracy

Posted by Tracy, Todaysparent.com
on Monday, October 19th, 2009 at 1:00:59 PM
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Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
Home alone

I'm in my house, all by myself. Avery didn't even cry when I left her for her first half-day at daycare. I didn't either.

So far, so good.

Posted by Tracy, Todaysparent.com
on Tuesday, September 29th, 2009 at 10:00:53 AM
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Saturday, September 26th, 2009
Back at 'er

So, I got a job. Not just any job, but one that I’m over-the-moon excited about. As of Wednesday, I’ll be the new associate editor of the Today’s Parent special editions, which are the digest-size magazines focusing on specific stages of parenting like pregnancy, newborn, baby and toddler, and baby names (you probably see them on newsstands or in your doctor’s office). It’s still part-time, which is perfect for me, and working on subject matter I’m passionate about with a publication and people that are close to my heart. I’m still pinching myself at my good fortune.

The opportunity came at the perfect time, too, when I knew I needed to wrap my mind around getting a more steady flow of work going, which has been tough with either one or two kids with me every day. The whole interviewing-while-the-baby-naps or trying to summon up creative juices after the kids are in bed (and I’m ready for bed too) wasn’t going to work much longer.  

It’s a good thing I wasn’t allowed to talk about this until now, because I would have been blogging with increasing panic over the past few weeks about my search for daycare for Avery. Finding part-time care for a one-year-old is a challenge equivalent to the Pilates move that requires me to flip my entire body backwards over my head. Not impossible, but freaking hard for the average person (who doesn’t want to pay full-time fees for part-time care) and something that takes a huge amount of perseverance. But I’ll save you the melodrama and horror stories and instead happily report that I’ve found a home daycare that I feel really good about. Hopefully Avery will agree. Anna will add one more day at her preschool, which I don’t anticipate will be an issue (I told her that when you’re three-and-a-half, you get to start going to school three days a week instead of two!).

I think I’m ready for this, too. I’ll undoubtedly miss my girls, but I’m ready for a little time with adults, time using my other skills and gaining new ones. I may even get to eat lunch sitting down once in a while. Imagine that.

Parents who work outside of the home often struggle with the guilt and heartache of feeling like they’re not spending enough time with their kids. I have struggled at times with the guilt and heartache of feeling like I spend a little too much time with my kids. I wouldn’t have changed things for the world and know how lucky I am to have had the quality, focused time I’ve had at home with my lovely ladies. It is something that has been good for all of us and something I’ll always cherish. My hope is that this opportunity will give us the best of both worlds. Especially with winter coming, I know that three days a week full of activities, friends and fun can only be good for the kids. And I hope that I’ll appreciate my time with them and really make the most of it.

So that’s my big news. I truly believe it’s the right move and really look forward to starting this new chapter of our lives.  

Posted by Tracy, Todaysparent.com
on Saturday, September 26th, 2009 at 1:22:49 PM
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Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009
For the love of Anna

“I don’t like you, but I love you.”

This is the lovely sentiment Anna presented me with yesterday. Three times.

The first two times she just stated it, matter-of-factly, after I said no about something. I guess it means that I have scored her affection, but not necessarily her approval. I’m not sure where this particular phrase came from (it’s certainly not something we’ve ever said to her) but I thought it was kind of smart. I understand loving someone but not really liking them at the moment, and was pretty amazed that she could articulate that feeling. Not that it feels nice to be on the receiving end of it.  

The third time she said it was as we were leaving swimming lessons, after being denied at the vending machine. She started sniffling as we walked out of the community centre. By the time we reached the truck, she was sobbing loudly. She screamed three-quarters of the way home (somebody tired?), and through her anger she yelled, “Mommy I don’t like you but I love you!” at the top of her lungs. I couldn’t help but laugh. Luckily she couldn’t see or hear me do it.

After she calmed down, she said, I kid you not, “How did you feel when I said I didn’t like you?”

“Pretty sad,” I said.

“But then I said I love you. That must have made you happy.”

“Yes, I’m happy that you love me. I like you and I love you.”

“That’s good,” she said.

Three going on 13, most definitely. Anna is definitely starting to grasp the power of doling out, or denying, her affection.

Posted by Tracy, Todaysparent.com
on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 at 10:10:45 PM
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Saturday, September 19th, 2009
The sisterhood: an update

I have an idea of how my girls are going to get along for the next, say, 20 years. It goes something like this:

“No!”

“Don’t touch that!”

“I want hers, though.”
“Mine! Mine!”

“Mamamamama!”

“Mom, can you get her away from me?”

[Bang, clunk] “Waaaaah!” followed by “I didn’t do anything.”

I wrote about the sister love-fest going on in my house a few months back. So what happened? Reality set in, I suppose, and Avery evolved from an oblivious baby to an all-too-aware toddler (how dare she?). That means that she wants to see and touch and be involved in everything – particularly all things Anna – and at the same time, can’t quite keep up to a preschooler’s fast-forward pace through life. But man, she tries.

There’s no more blissful ignorance when I buy Anna a little plastic sting ray at the zoo; Avery must have one too. No more letting Anna have goldfish crackers while Avery is stuck with Cheerios (though of course, they will take turns wanting what the other has). And if we’re having tacos for dinner, with a different plate of food for Avery, she knows what’s going on and she’s not pleased, reaching for the taco shells and complaining “Ah! Ah! Ah!”

It doesn’t matter what either one has, she wants what the other has. Seriously, anything. If Anna is playing quietly on her own with her Little People and Avery comes to bulldoze them down, Anna freaks out. I manage to scoop Avery up and divert her to the doll stroller. Two seconds later, Anna has abandoned her People and is grabbing the stroller out of Avery’s hands, knocking Avery down in the process. Then Avery cries. I take the stroller from Anna and give it back to Avery. Then Anna cries. Then Avery cries because Anna is crying. And so it goes. All. Day. Long. Every. Day. Of. My. Life.

And Anna is still as rough as ever, which is the most concerning issue. Sometimes it’s innocent enough – Anna is pretending to be a ghost by walking around with a blanket over her head and decides Avery should do the same, which ends up with Avery blindly toppling over and crashing into the coffee table. Or Anna is only wanting to hug Avery, but ends up tackling her to the ground, leaving Avery in tears. But all too often, Anna is exerting her power over her little sister in some pretty mean ways. It makes me sad – I don’t want Anna to be a mean kid. But I don’t know how to get through to her. No consequence seems to have much impact, no heaping of positive attention stops the behaviour. Pretty soon, Avery will be able to fight back and I fear it will just escalate, rather than stop, the behaviour.

There are good times too, and definitely love between the girls. Anna has started "reading" to her little sister, for example, which is sweet. And for every “I wish Avery was still in your tummy” I also get “Can’t we wake Avery up now?” and many giggles and shrieks of excitement as they learn to play together. They have developed a game that involves chasing each other in and out of Sean’s closet that is pretty funny – and heartening – to watch. I hope that as Avery gets older it will open the door to more fun play and less antagonism, but my gut says that this may just be the kind of sisters they are.

I’ll never forget the day when Avery was about a week old, she was crying and Anna leaned over to her and whispered, “Don’t worry, Baby Avery. There are only friendly monsters here. You don’t have to be scared.” I remember being filled with joy at the thought of this loving bond they would have, Anna as the protective big sister and Avery the willing accomplice. These days, I spend most of my time telling Anna, "Just leave her alone, please!" I know it must be tough being in Anna’s shoes, but I hope I can find a way to teach her to be a little kinder.

I wonder how much of this is just par for the course at this age, or how much is about personalities clashing? Do your kids get along? Is there any way to facilitate a better sibling relationship?

Posted by Tracy, Todaysparent.com
on Saturday, September 19th, 2009 at 11:43:31 PM
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